TSwift is My Homegirl

Like it or not.

I know this is a very controversial topic for my generation. But hear me out. Like it or not Taylor Swift is an icon and the same age as me. You can’t avoid her and you probably have an opinion about her and/or her music, good, bad, or ugly. But let’s be real, I’ve grown up with her as my sound track.

I try not to get too political with it, cultural appropriation and all. I try to remember that music is the sound feelings make.

And when you’re feeling feelings, TSwift is my homegirl.

Her music, like it or not has been the sound track of my life. Her first album came out during my first relationship. Her second album came out when I started college. Her third album came out at a really complicated (long story sort) junction of my life. Her fourth album came out and I went through my break up with my college boyfriend and was the album that got me through my 22nd birthday rocking a free single girl. (I want to be 22 forever.) Her most recent album came out at a time I needed it most and helped me ring in the craziest 2 years of my life with love found and lost and some HUGE milestones. Her sixth album is coming out this fall and I’m wondering if her music will continue to be the sound track of my life or if Homegirl and I will part ways.

Please write about something other than breaking up.
Please. Please. Please.

Plus, she inspired me to try red lipstick.
My life was forever changed.

STOP FEEDING ME PIZZA

I have a date tomorrow.

I have to babysit tonight and the mom texted me to let me know she ordered us pizza. It will be delivered at 7:45. It’s my favorite delivery chain too. I LOVE PIZZA. Just please not before a date. I can’t be bloated and gassy. Not an option.

In other news.

I survived date number two. Shout out to my buddy making faces at me from the bar during my date. Fingers Crossed guy didn’t notice though. It went great. We met up at 5:45 and did happy hour plus fries. We were there until like 9 talking.

I tried to pay for the date.

He wouldn’t let me. Mildly irritated. I am a strong independent woman with a job. I get paid. I wanna pay for stuff. LET ME BE YOUR EQUAL, DAMN IT. Especially since I picked the spot and I knew they didn’t have happy hour specials.

But its not like I’m going to say no to free beer and good conversation.

We’re still exchanging emails. He usually emails around 10 p.m. when I’m a little tired and loopy. My roommate agreed that I shouldn’t be allowed to answer emails that late at night. I usually wait until I get to my desk around 10 a.m. to answer. We have some friendly banter before we get to schedule details.

I can’t say I’ve ever exchanged emails with a guy I’m “dating” or getting to know or whatever phase we’re in. My friends are equally split on the “this is weird” and “meh basically texting” opinions. It’s definitely different. But everyone agrees maybe different is good.

Pros:

It feels more laid back. Slightly less pressure. It feels like he isn’t all up in my business 24/7. (Re: he’s not a stage 5 clinger.) I can have a life and not be like “OH I HAVE TO ANSWER HIM NOW.” It’s an email. Hakuna Matata.

Cons:

I AM ANXIOUS AS FUCK. And he’s kind of slow replying. Its great he has a life and isn’t putting a ton of pressure on me. As soon as I give up it pops in my inbox. Also I’m a millennial. I love me some instant gratification.

Speaking of instant gratification.

We’ve been on two good dates. There’s talking and lingering and stuff. But we’ve only exchanged awkward hugs at the end of dates. (It’s not my fault he’s tall and hugging tall people without it being awkward is hard.) I’m equally torn between relief we haven’t kissed or even held hands or anything yet and slightly disappointed. But we haven’t really had a great opportunity. I’m all about not kissing on the first date. But there also the fact that we’ve been seated across from each other on dates. Not conducive to hand holding. Also on the second date a brewery tour bus was unloading DIRECTLY next to us. And I’m kind of shy about PDA anyway.

Nothing says romance like sharing your first kiss next to a bus of half drunk tourists. /sarcasm.

Plus he may be inexperienced and as awkward as I am. Anyway, he’s on deck for picking our date tomorrow. I’m already thinking ahead to date 4. I’m thinking about inviting him over for dinner. The upside is I feel like date 4 is safe for affection. At home is semi private. (ROOMMATES I’M LOOKING AT YOU.) However, the only time I suck at cooking or come close to burning down my house is when I’m cooking for a guy for the first time.

Stay tuned, y’all.
Keep crossing those fingers!

#ReasonsImSingle

So this happened tonight.

I know I shouldn’t let this bother me that much.

But WOW. I hadn’t even had a conversation with this guy. He said something about kids and I kind of just jokingly said “Ha. Me. Kids. lol” and he said something kind of smart assy and that’s where the screen caps start.

I’d already been feeling a little blue Fingers Crossed guy hadn’t gotten back to me on when he wants to go on date number two. Plus my period is coming. All the feels.

THEN THIS ASSHOLE HAPPENED.

And reminded me I’d rather be forever alone than putting up with someone who calls girls they don’t know broken. Because I’d just finished telling my best friend I was feeling kind of broken. He has since been unmatched. Obviously. But it still kind of hurts.

Let’s be clear now, I may be snarky.
But I have feelings somewhere inside.
And now they’re a little hurt.

 

Sometimes, I love pizza more than I love myself.

Dating with anxiety is hard.

Its so easy to be negative when you have anxiety and you’re trying to date. You don’t want to get your hopes up. You dislike yourself more than you love yourself. You can go through a dozen what if worst case scenarios in no time flat. You’re probably a planner and when things don’t go according to your plan you kind of freak out. You know yourself well and you know every mistake you made during a date. You probably kept count of them.

AND YOUR OVER ANALYZE EVERYTHING.

Naturally, after 24 hours, I’d given up hope on hearing back from him. After 48 hours I figured this was my luck. Why would this time be different?

God I love when I’m wrong.

Naturally, as I hit order on pizza last night he finally got back to me. (I’m not supposed to have dairy or gluten. But I do it anyway because I love pizza more than I love myself sometimes.) So now I’m bloated and feel like garbage and I’m excited. We’re grabbing beers at my favorite bar some time this week or next week depending on scheduling.

Please resume crossing your fingers.

I <3 My Co-Workers

I noticed something on my date the other night.

I talked about my co-workers a lot on my date the other night. I’m really fortunate to work with the people that I do. I’ve only been with my company about a year but they already feel like my family. Everyone has a personality. I have people who I can point to and say “That’s my work mom” or work aunt or uncle. There’s definitely people I’m not as close with. But everyone is so nice. When I was nervous Friday I knew I could pop into my work sister’s office and ask her if my hair was ok. I like that I could confess that I had a date and was nervous. They’re all so supportive. Today I was able to pop into my work aunt’s office and sit in her orange velvet chair and tell her about my date and we got to be excited.

While some employers would frown on this, I love that my office isn’t like that. We love good vibes and being a family. My best friend sent me a job listing that paid 10x what I make now. But I didn’t really care. (No offense. I money is great and all.) I mean I did because it would be great to make more money. But leaving these people would suck. I don’t have to completely compartmentalize all the time. I get wanting to climb the corporate ladder. I figured that would be me at some point many moons ago. But it isn’t me now. I wish I could measure success by happiness at my job.

Everyone Cross Your Fingers

I had a good date.

I’m going to chalk it up to my Darth Vader underwear I wore for Revenge of the Fifth.

For my coworkers and roommates who follow the blog, I know you’re all dying to know. I was a nervous wreck at work yesterday. I know I haven’t talked about it much at work because I always like to down play dates until they go somewhere. But yesterday I was on a tight schedule. I had to go straight from work to practice to the date. We went to Lunch&Supper and we agreed on a 15 min window for arrival.

Back Story:

I woke up yesterday to tornado sirens, weather alerts on my phone, and rain pounding my house. It was awful. I would normally wear my clothes for my date to work and just freshen up before hand. But I didn’t want to risk it with the weather. So I packed all my things. I changed in the car at practice and went to find my make up bag and it was gone.

Panic ensues.

Its kind of close to that time of the month and my skin is on the struggle bus. I look blah and washed out and pale. Not a great look for a first date. So I talk to the other assistant coach who tells me it isn’t that bad. Just get some powder and mascara on the way. I immediately start planning things out. Target is on the way. I run in grab foundation, blush, mascara, eyebrow gel, and pink lipstick. I throw it on after letting him know I’d be there right at 7 and floor it the last 5 minutes to dinner. I drive past and see him sitting outside waiting and almost have a panic attack. He’s cute. I park and walk quickly. He sort of kept looking at me blankly as I walked up. But I smiled and he smiled back.

Dinner was great it was that type of date where you order drinks and start talking and forget to look at the menu. Fortunately I’d pretty much already looked at it at work and knew what I wanted and feigned interest while talking. I was so nervous I was bad at asking about him and I feel like I talked most of the time. I kept catching myself saying “uh” a lot. But he definitely seemed to relax and open up more as the date went on which was helpful. He smiled a lot and laughed so I guess that’s good. He even ordered dessert.

This is good right?

So a little bit more about him. He basically does risk assessment for a financial company in town. He’s lived in a lot of different places. He’s a little younger but not a deal breaker. Skipped a grade. Went to UVA. Played football. He has a little bit of a southern accent which I wasn’t expecting but is adorable.

He said he’s new to the dating thing and a bit of a workaholic. So we’ve only swapped email addresses so far. I have my email response drafted because I’m still a nervous wreck. I’m proposing grabbing a beer next week after work.

I’ll keep you posted.
Going to go puke with anxiety now.

Let’s Get Social

Or maybe let’s not.

Social media is tricky when it comes to online dating. When do you follow them or send them a friend request? Is it too soon? Will they accept? Some people are really private about their social media use. Some people really hate social media. Some people just let it all hang out there. You can tell a lot about a person by their social media use or lack of.

Whatever you do. Don’t stalk someone.

If someone doesn’t answer your messages that’s not an invitation to look them up on social media. I found this gem in my inbox. This guy has been persistently messaging me for MONTHS. But he finally got blocked for this:

You are breath taking. Wish more women exhibited your confidence in portraying their beauty. You look amazing and people can tell by your energy you are genuine. The way you articulate and express your thoughts just let’s me know the interior of your mind is just as dangerous as your curves, and by the way your portrayal of self via social media exudes nothing but class and respect effortlessly, something that a man cannot let go unnoticed. I would love for us to get to know more about one another.

NOPE.

This is how you get yourself blocked. Do not stalk girls on social media. If you do, don’t admit it. This is creepy not cute. WORLD OF NO.

Do’s and Don’ts of Writing a Dating Profie

I’m going to throw my two cents in.

I know there’s probably a million articles and blog posts about this. I know I’ve read a few. But I feel like I need to say something. I’ve seen so many bad profiles out there. So many guys ask why I don’t answer them or look at their profile and don’t bother answering them. I really just need a link to a blog post talking about why.

Some people say the windows are the eyes to the soul.

When you’re dating online you don’t have eyes to look into, just someone’s profile. So keep in mind this is your first impression and dating resume. Bottom line, you wouldn’t show up to a job interview if your resume sucks. You probably won’t get a message back from a girl you REALLY want to talk to if your profile sucks. I’m not saying you suck, I’m saying your profile sucks. See where I’m going with this? Here are some tips.

Don’t lie.

You’d think this would be self explanatory. Its not. Don’t say you want a relationship if you just want to Netflix and Chill. I’m not going to answer people who don’t want a relationship. But I’m sure there are girls out there who do want to Netflix and Chill with you. I am not that girl.

Don’t type one word.

I know there are sections of profiles that make you type stuff. But don’t just type one word. It looks lazy. Especially if you typed one word to them in your message and your whole dating profile is all just one words. Similarly, don’t type “I’ll fill this out later.” or something to this effect. It’s also lazy. Your profile should make a someone excited to message you back. I’m not saying you have to write a huge long essay. But come on. ONE COMPLETE SENTENCE Y’ALL.

You’re not a prince.

Please for the love of god, I am not 5. Unless you are actually a prince, with a title DO NOT put “Prince Charming” or “Knight in Shining Armor” or anything to this effect ANYWHERE on your profile. If you are a prince with an actual title, you probably don’t need online dating.

Spell-check.

I’m not saying you have to be perfect. Lord knows I’m not. But there’s a level of grammatical correctness that’s kind of hot. It shows you’re intelligent, care, and are trying.

 “Nice” guys finish last.

If you feel the need to talk about how you’re so laid back or such a nice guy, you’re probably not. I’ve read some profiles that are like “I’m a nice guy” and then proceed to have some very aggressive language. If you’re a nice guy, you don’t need to say it because you talk about WHY you’re nice instead of just issuing a blanket statement.

Example: “I have a very laid back personality!” Followed one sentence later by “I can be sarcastic at times so if you get easily offended then please ask your parents why they raised a vagina.” Seriously, I can’t make this shit up if I tried.

You’re not nice. You’re not respectful. You’re not outgoing.
You’re rude.
(Sorry not sorry if I just offended you.)

This is about you.

Don’t waste time talking about what you want. We all want the same things. Someone nice, loyal, kind, respectful, funny, sweet, who shares your interests. You all want the same thing in a different order. Don’t waste time telling girls about who they should be. Tell them WHY THEY SHOULD DATE YOU. You don’t have to be that blunt. But seriously, take 20min and make a list of reasons a girl should date you or why they would want to date you. Then put it into a story like paragraph on your “about me”.

Need help writing your profile?
Shoot me a message on the dating application section!
I’d love to write your bio. 

IRONY IS REAL.

Rewind to my birthday about a week ago.

I got a snap from someone. Thanksgiving Guy. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about click here.) Who (btw) had NO idea it was my birthday because he doesn’t believe in Facebook.

Guess what he wanted.

If you guessed inappropriate pictures of me you’ve won a high five. This also semi invalidates his reason for just wanting to be friends. I see you bro…

Other than that. My birthday was excellent.

“You’re too Pretty”

“You’re too pretty to be single.”

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been told that in the last couple months I would kick my roommates out, quit my job, hire a personal trainer, and move to the beach. Because cheese and fucking rice I’ve heard it a lot. It is EXHAUSTING. I almost wonder if I should post less attractive pictures of me so people will actually think I’m real.

Yes. I’m pretty. Yes. I’m single. Yes. I’m aware of both.

The shit I’ve gotten from guys about the above things is unreal. I think the worst message I’ve gotten was from someone who’s message went unanswered because he used a copy and pasted message he used on another dating site. The message read something like this:

“You’re too pretty to be single. You’re obviously fake. But I’d love to know what this real girl’s name is so I can look up her videos for personal use.”

The actual message was way slimier. But I don’t remember the exact wording because it made me feel an uncomfortable combination of sad, furious, and frustrated that another human would say that shit to another. Come on y’all. Be better people. How old are we?