Fingers Crossed : How it Ended

So I feel like this was why I feel like I stopped blogging.

I was sick of blogging about boring dates. That’s what he turned out to be. Boring. Never made a move. Never made me excited. It was pretty obvious after date two. I don’t even remember what date 3 was. I also don’t remember if there was a date 4?

He was awkward. And that’s coming from me.

Either way at the end of a movie he nervously said he needed to focus on work. Idk if that was true or not but I didn’t really care. I was nice about it. But he was so nervous he couldn’t really just spit it our or be blunt.

Good riddance.

There Was Hope

But he turned out to be a stage 5 clinger.

It was bad. We clicked over text. We clicked on our first date. And our second. Things seemed to be falling into place so fast. It was one of those “this had to be too good to be true” moments on repeat.

Spoiler Alert

It was.

We both had a lot in common. And we talked about our struggles with anxiety. Things were going so well. He was so nice and sweet and thoughtful. I was so hopeful. So hopeful.

He turned out to be a Stage 5 Clinger.

I should have guessed when he deleted the dating app after our first date. Things moved really fast. It was bad. But it wasn’t the first time that had happened to be before. I went with it. Because hope!

I kind of had an a-ha moment.

My garbage disposal crapped out one night. It was bad. Water was everywhere. It was even leaking out of the port where the electrical wires come out of. Naturally, I’d just bought furniture and picked out paint colors for the living room. He was there. He wanted to fix it. He’s not a handy man. He’s not an electrician. He kept watching YouTube and trying to research on the disposal.

Meanwhile I was doing the math of how much money I’d just spent on furniture. How much a disposal would cost. How much getting someone to install it for me would cost. And promptly freaking out about my financial situation. New disposal? $100 – $200. Installation? Up to $500 depending on how fast or slow my plumber is. So on top of the furniture I could kiss having a professional painter paint the house goodbye.

I excused myself to my room after he borderline threw a hissy fit about me telling him no to fixing my disposal. The last thing I needed was worrying about him electrocuting himself.

I went to my room and the bubble popped.

I should have known it when he cried the first time he spent the night.

I should have known it when he deleted his dating apps after our first date.

I should have known it when he friend requested my best friend our first week dating.

I should have known it when he loved her profile picture.

I should have known it when he was excited about looking at baby clothes for my best friend.

After that I could only think of one thing: How do I get rid of him?

I came out unscathed. I’m okay. It’ll be okay. I’m excited about going back to being single. Okay technically I never stopped. We never made it official. But I’m excited about going back to Me, Myself, & I.

The Dentist

Pro tip: Don’t talk about how much your student load debt is on a first date.

I went on this HORRIFICALLY bad date not long ago. Okay a month ago? He was in dentistry school. We’d matched on Tinder and/or Bumble a few times in the last year. We totally clicked over text. I was so excited.

It was awful.

We met up in person and he was short. His profile pictures made him look at least 6′. Nope.

And then. He opened his mouth.

I swear the voice that came out was a southern sorority girl. Or the most flamboyantly gay southern man I’ve ever met. Neither of these are bad. But neither of these are people I want to date. I immediately cringed.

The date was all down hill from there.

He was book smart.

And not a whole lot else. He ordered white wine to go with pizza. Talked about money a lot. He periodically would “Oh my gawd” or “Oh girl”. I got something with whiskey. God knows I needed it to get through the date. After he suggested we walk around and talked.

Cringing ensues.

I’m pretty sure my IQ dropped 10 points on the date.

He just didn’t seem to have much common sense. And combined with the flamboyant gay voice, plus his fucking perfect teeth. I mostly don’t remember what we talked about now. I’m pretty sure my brain deleted it to make space for actual things. I just remember waking back to the car and wanting to cry. I wasted a cute outfit on that date.

Needless to say, neither of us texted each other after the date.

TSwift is My Homegirl

Like it or not.

I know this is a very controversial topic for my generation. But hear me out. Like it or not Taylor Swift is an icon and the same age as me. You can’t avoid her and you probably have an opinion about her and/or her music, good, bad, or ugly. But let’s be real, I’ve grown up with her as my sound track.

I try not to get too political with it, cultural appropriation and all. I try to remember that music is the sound feelings make.

And when you’re feeling feelings, TSwift is my homegirl.

Her music, like it or not has been the sound track of my life. Her first album came out during my first relationship. Her second album came out when I started college. Her third album came out at a really complicated (long story sort) junction of my life. Her fourth album came out and I went through my break up with my college boyfriend and was the album that got me through my 22nd birthday rocking a free single girl. (I want to be 22 forever.) Her most recent album came out at a time I needed it most and helped me ring in the craziest 2 years of my life with love found and lost and some HUGE milestones. Her sixth album is coming out this fall and I’m wondering if her music will continue to be the sound track of my life or if Homegirl and I will part ways.

Please write about something other than breaking up.
Please. Please. Please.

Plus, she inspired me to try red lipstick.
My life was forever changed.

STOP FEEDING ME PIZZA

I have a date tomorrow.

I have to babysit tonight and the mom texted me to let me know she ordered us pizza. It will be delivered at 7:45. It’s my favorite delivery chain too. I LOVE PIZZA. Just please not before a date. I can’t be bloated and gassy. Not an option.

In other news.

I survived date number two. Shout out to my buddy making faces at me from the bar during my date. Fingers Crossed guy didn’t notice though. It went great. We met up at 5:45 and did happy hour plus fries. We were there until like 9 talking.

I tried to pay for the date.

He wouldn’t let me. Mildly irritated. I am a strong independent woman with a job. I get paid. I wanna pay for stuff. LET ME BE YOUR EQUAL, DAMN IT. Especially since I picked the spot and I knew they didn’t have happy hour specials.

But its not like I’m going to say no to free beer and good conversation.

We’re still exchanging emails. He usually emails around 10 p.m. when I’m a little tired and loopy. My roommate agreed that I shouldn’t be allowed to answer emails that late at night. I usually wait until I get to my desk around 10 a.m. to answer. We have some friendly banter before we get to schedule details.

I can’t say I’ve ever exchanged emails with a guy I’m “dating” or getting to know or whatever phase we’re in. My friends are equally split on the “this is weird” and “meh basically texting” opinions. It’s definitely different. But everyone agrees maybe different is good.

Pros:

It feels more laid back. Slightly less pressure. It feels like he isn’t all up in my business 24/7. (Re: he’s not a stage 5 clinger.) I can have a life and not be like “OH I HAVE TO ANSWER HIM NOW.” It’s an email. Hakuna Matata.

Cons:

I AM ANXIOUS AS FUCK. And he’s kind of slow replying. Its great he has a life and isn’t putting a ton of pressure on me. As soon as I give up it pops in my inbox. Also I’m a millennial. I love me some instant gratification.

Speaking of instant gratification.

We’ve been on two good dates. There’s talking and lingering and stuff. But we’ve only exchanged awkward hugs at the end of dates. (It’s not my fault he’s tall and hugging tall people without it being awkward is hard.) I’m equally torn between relief we haven’t kissed or even held hands or anything yet and slightly disappointed. But we haven’t really had a great opportunity. I’m all about not kissing on the first date. But there also the fact that we’ve been seated across from each other on dates. Not conducive to hand holding. Also on the second date a brewery tour bus was unloading DIRECTLY next to us. And I’m kind of shy about PDA anyway.

Nothing says romance like sharing your first kiss next to a bus of half drunk tourists. /sarcasm.

Plus he may be inexperienced and as awkward as I am. Anyway, he’s on deck for picking our date tomorrow. I’m already thinking ahead to date 4. I’m thinking about inviting him over for dinner. The upside is I feel like date 4 is safe for affection. At home is semi private. (ROOMMATES I’M LOOKING AT YOU.) However, the only time I suck at cooking or come close to burning down my house is when I’m cooking for a guy for the first time.

Stay tuned, y’all.
Keep crossing those fingers!

#ReasonsImSingle

So this happened tonight.

I know I shouldn’t let this bother me that much.

But WOW. I hadn’t even had a conversation with this guy. He said something about kids and I kind of just jokingly said “Ha. Me. Kids. lol” and he said something kind of smart assy and that’s where the screen caps start.

I’d already been feeling a little blue Fingers Crossed guy hadn’t gotten back to me on when he wants to go on date number two. Plus my period is coming. All the feels.

THEN THIS ASSHOLE HAPPENED.

And reminded me I’d rather be forever alone than putting up with someone who calls girls they don’t know broken. Because I’d just finished telling my best friend I was feeling kind of broken. He has since been unmatched. Obviously. But it still kind of hurts.

Let’s be clear now, I may be snarky.
But I have feelings somewhere inside.
And now they’re a little hurt.

 

Sometimes, I love pizza more than I love myself.

Dating with anxiety is hard.

Its so easy to be negative when you have anxiety and you’re trying to date. You don’t want to get your hopes up. You dislike yourself more than you love yourself. You can go through a dozen what if worst case scenarios in no time flat. You’re probably a planner and when things don’t go according to your plan you kind of freak out. You know yourself well and you know every mistake you made during a date. You probably kept count of them.

AND YOUR OVER ANALYZE EVERYTHING.

Naturally, after 24 hours, I’d given up hope on hearing back from him. After 48 hours I figured this was my luck. Why would this time be different?

God I love when I’m wrong.

Naturally, as I hit order on pizza last night he finally got back to me. (I’m not supposed to have dairy or gluten. But I do it anyway because I love pizza more than I love myself sometimes.) So now I’m bloated and feel like garbage and I’m excited. We’re grabbing beers at my favorite bar some time this week or next week depending on scheduling.

Please resume crossing your fingers.

I <3 My Co-Workers

I noticed something on my date the other night.

I talked about my co-workers a lot on my date the other night. I’m really fortunate to work with the people that I do. I’ve only been with my company about a year but they already feel like my family. Everyone has a personality. I have people who I can point to and say “That’s my work mom” or work aunt or uncle. There’s definitely people I’m not as close with. But everyone is so nice. When I was nervous Friday I knew I could pop into my work sister’s office and ask her if my hair was ok. I like that I could confess that I had a date and was nervous. They’re all so supportive. Today I was able to pop into my work aunt’s office and sit in her orange velvet chair and tell her about my date and we got to be excited.

While some employers would frown on this, I love that my office isn’t like that. We love good vibes and being a family. My best friend sent me a job listing that paid 10x what I make now. But I didn’t really care. (No offense. I money is great and all.) I mean I did because it would be great to make more money. But leaving these people would suck. I don’t have to completely compartmentalize all the time. I get wanting to climb the corporate ladder. I figured that would be me at some point many moons ago. But it isn’t me now. I wish I could measure success by happiness at my job.